Last time on Kelly Reads Twilight Reimagined…
We discovered that:
-Beau uses tube socks
-Red blotches + being a loner + tube socks = drugs
-Beau can sandblast his own throat
This time…
CHAPTER 20
The chapter begins with “When I woke up, I was confused.” Let’s be honest, Beau. When are you not confused?
As well, we get a description of the hotel that makes me feel that Stephenie Meyer hadn’t been to a hotel in quite a while before the success of Twilight. We are told that “The room was too bland to belong anywhere but a hotel. The bedside lamps were bolted to the tables, and the drapes were made from the same fabric as the bedspread.”
So not only have I never been to a hotel like this (personally it sounds more like a shady motel), but this boy knows that the bedspread and the drapes are made out of the exact same fabric. Not color. Not pattern. But fabric? This boy just woke his little ass up, confused, because don’t forget the chapter starts “When I woke up, I was confused”, but he now has the astute observations of an interior designer? Uh huh…
Archie (Alice), Jessamine (Jasper), and Beau made it to Phoenix, Arizona the day before. Beau recaps the drive. He looks over at the digital alarm clock where “The red numbers claimed it was three o’clock”. Claimed? It claimed it was three o’clock? This might be a small thing, but why so distrustful of digital clocks? It’s a hotel. I’m sure their clocks would be reasonably around the right time.
Archie gives updates on what is happening with the others. He explains his psychic abilities. Archie tells Beau that vampires have a venom that turn people into vampires. I could talk about the weirdness of that, but it’s in the original Twilight, and I’m sure that’s been talked about enough as is. Then Archie gets a vision that Joss (James) is took a plane and is now waiting in a room full of mirrors. Edythe and gang believe that Joss is flying back down to Forks after having been chased up to Vancouver.
Beau recognizes the description and realizes it to be the ballet studio that his mother used to teach dance lessons at. Now, this is the tricky thing about gender-bending. Are guys less likely to participate in feminine activities like ballet? Yes. However, part of gender-bending depends on knowing your character and knowing how that character would change according to being a different gender and living in a society that treats genders differently.
Yet, we have a protagonist that is known for not caring what other people think of her in Twilight. Wouldn’t that quality be the same if she were male? Or what having a mother who didn’t gender-bend who is quirky and a little bit off? Doesn’t she seem like the type that might have her son participate in her dance lessons?
I don’t know. I wouldn’t be so against this choice if the rest of the book hadn’t blatantly shown me that Beau is more masculine and manly simply because he is a dude and the world revolves around his need to be manly. Instead of blushing, he has a skin condition. Instead of realizing he is outmatched by vampires, he thinks he can protect his vampire girlfriend. Instead of a group of guys cornering him, he has a group of hobos with guns trying to kill him. And, alas, where are those hobos now? (I really want them to figure into the climax somehow.)
Beau tells them that the dance studio that Archie saw in his vision is right in Phoenix. What a coinkydink!Worried for his mom, he calls her phone, but she doesn’t answer. The chapter ends with Beau falling asleep, waiting for the phone to ring.
CHAPTER 21
Archie gets another vision of Joss, and Beau recognizes that Joss is in his mom’s house. Archie calls Edythe and tells Beau that Edythe is coming down and that Beau is going to be hidden away for “a while”. Of course, Beau is not worried that his life is essentially being put on hold, but worried about Edythe. God love him.
Thankfully, Jessamine uses her emotion ability to knock him the fuck out. Nightie night. For a minute. Then Beau acts like a baby and goes to his room and slams the door. ** rolls eyes ** While Jessamine didn’t fully put Beau to sleep, I appreciate Jessamine’s attempt enough not to question how an emotion ability can put someone to sleep (but if you want to feel free).
Then this really exciting thing happens: nothing. Don’t believe me? Here you go: “For almost four hours I sat on the floor and stared at the wall, my hands clenched into fists.”
Four hours? Four freakin’ hours?! He literally could have better spent the time sleeping, and at this point, I would have been more interested. But don’t worry, even though he is doing nothing from staring at the wall, he is manly! Look at those clenched fists! They are so clenched! They are so…fist-y?
Beau then comes to the conclusion that “Maybe, if I could see her face again, I would be able to see a solution, too. Things were clearer when we were together.” Did you catch that? Do you understand what the problem is? Let me repeat it: “Things were clearer when we were together.” Uh…wasn’t the point of the last 330 pages to prove that things are not, in fact, clearer when you two are together?
Such as, I don’t know, not finding Edythe’s stalking scary or thinking you can take on a vampire. When, you might ask? Any of them. All of them. Pick a time. Pick a vampire. Remember, Beau, you are a baby seal. Baby. Seal.
Or maybe, I don’t know, this:
“Actually, I had no idea if I was [hungry]. My whole body felt like it was being electrocuted in a strange and very pleasant way. My nerves couldn’t process more than that.”
Or, I DON’T KNOW, THISSSSS….
“Honestly, almost being murdered was not the most interesting thing that had happened to me tonight, and I hadn’t really thought much about it.”
Anywho! Beau gets that fated call from Joss when for those who don’t know from Twilight Beau/Bella thinks that their mother is in danger because of Joss/James and agrees to sneak away from the Cullens into Joss’s clutches. When Beau first hears Joss, he describes her voice as “a soft alto voice, a very pleasant, generic voice — the kind of voice that you heard in the background of luxury car commercials.” How oddly specific? That description literally recalls nothing for me. Can ya’ll hear what that voice is supposed to sound like? Okay, I’m checking to see what it says for James in Twilight. Huh. It’s the same. Except he has a tenor voice. Weird. I guess I just forgot all about his generic luxury car commercial background voice. Or repressed it. Or something.
Also, why cannot vampires hear people on the other side of call? I don’t even have super-hearing powers, and I can often do that. Plus, spoilers, haha, Joss is using a recording of Beau’s mom sounding frantic so are you telling me that someone sounding extra loud and upset cannot be heard by the super-duper hearing undead creatures? Like seriously? Okay? Okay.
Now, I always thought that James was pretty clever and funny. Joss has the same lines so that was nice. Now back to the rest of this crap fest. Beau thinks: “My decision was made.” Then why in the ever loving fuck can Archie not see it? The common excuse for this series is “Oh, they haven’t made up their mind” but oh, look, there’s a mind that looks pretty freakin’ made. Decision. Made. Seems pretty straightforward. (Plus, wouldn’t you have to make a decision not to make a decision to confuse the psychic? I don’t know anymore. Thank God this is almost over.)
Of course, Beau seems more worried about Jessamine’s power and is worried when she will come back. Beau reenters the room with a blank look on his face. Archie has a vision and starts freaking out. Jessamine returns. Archie’s face is blank but also empty? Jessamine’s face is blank. Basically, everyone’s face is blank because Meyer has given up describing people’s faces.
The chapter ends with Archie saying he saw Beau in his vision. Nuh duh. I wonder…did he have a blank face in it? Did he have blank faced children in it? I suppose we will find out next time.
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