Kelly Reads Twilight Reimagined Chapter 10

Last time on Kelly Reads Twilight Reimagined…

We discovered that:

-Some people still say “Holy crow!”

-Beau has extra moisture in his eyes

-Beau loves to sniff scarfs

This time…

CHAPTER 10

Edythe picks up Beau for school unexpectedly. She has stolen a jacket from one of her brothers so Beau won’t be cold. He is worried about this and rightfully so. They go to school and bump into Jeremy. Edythe tells Beau that Jeremy’s going to ask if they are secretly dating and what base they got to. In Twilight Jessica wanted to know if they were secretly dating and how Bella felt about Edward. Then Edythe and Beau go their separate ways for class.

Of course, once again we are pulled into the bland romantic subplots of Beau’s friends that we don’t care about. McKayla is mad at Beau at first because she likes him and doesn’t want him to be with Edythe. He then tells her how much Jeremy likes her and then she’s okay with him again for some reason. She then tells Beau that Taylor has been going around saying that Beau and her are going to prom. Beau denies it. McKayla is relieved. She tells Beau that that’s why Logan was always angry around him because Logan likes Taylor. You see what I mean? You probably even skimmed this paragraph, and I don’t blame you. No one cares about this. I don’t care about all these side characters so I don’t care about their relationships. They have next to nothing to do with the plot or why people are reading this book in the first place.

Now Jeremy is talking to Beau about Edythe. While I find it a little problematic how Jeremy thinks about girls, I can’t say it’s unrealistic. Plus, I love how much sass he gives Beau. He can’t figure out how Beau got Edythe to spend time with him, and frankly I can’t either. First, Jeremy asks:

“So, I have to wonder how you turned that around. Do you have a genie in a lamp? Did you find some blackmail on her? Or did you trade your soul to the devil or something?”

I’m sorry this just cracks me up. Plus, the way Jeremy words the blackmail question. Instead of saying, “Did you blackmail her?”, it sounds like he’s asking if Beau found some black mail about her on the ground or something.

Of course, Jeremy asks several more questions, wondering if Beau slept or made out with Edythe. Beau tells him nothing happened. Then, Jeremy says:

“That is, hands down, the most disappointing story I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I take back everything I said about your game. Obviously, it’s just some pity thing.”

This is just cracks me up. Oh, Jeremy. You’re a shit friend, but in this moment you are so right on. This quote is the truth, people.The reveal was a chat in a car. I repeat the reveal that a major character was a vampire was a leisurely chat in a car. Disappointing story, indeed.

Then Jeremy mentions how maybe he could get Edythe if he acts pathetic because she is sure to get bored of Beau. TRUTH. He then adds that maybe he won’t and he will just stick with normal girls. Then Beau gives him this zinger:

“That’s probably for the best…Keep your expectations low.”

Ohhhhh! Shots fired! (Well, figuratively. I figured I should specify because in this new version you never know.)

Now Beau’s breaking the man code, and Jeremy is pissed. Beau is unsure whether he will sit with Jeremy and Co. Or Edythe. So much so that Jeremy causes a scene and practically yells at Beau for not automatically choosing to sit with her. Wait. Do guys really get that fussy about sitting together in the cafeteria? Seriously? I know this is high school, but…seriously?

After Spanish class, Beau finds Edythe waiting for him. Everything seems cool until Beau thinks, “Her hair was still coiled up in that messy twist, and I had the oddest urge to reach down and pull the pins out it.” Indeed, Beau. That would be the oddest urge. I know this is meant to be romantic…I mean, sexual…I mean…actually what was this line meant to do? Because it really makes me want to smack him. Don’t ruin someone’s hairdo. I thought that was obvious, but attention men. I have another PSA for you. If you get the oddest urge to ruin the hairdo of a woman who you have talked to for ten minutes, DON’T. Please, just don’t.

Edythe asks Beau if he’s hungry. Much like Bella, he seems to have a hard time figuring out basic bodily sensations. He thinks, “Actually, I had no idea if I was. My whole body felt like it was being electrocuted in a strange and very pleasant way. My nerves couldn’t process more than that.” I have one word for you: masochist. Let’s say it together now: MAS-O-CHIST. I swear.

Then Beau offers to carry Edythe’s bag, and she asks if he thinks it’s too heavy for her. She then rests the bag on her pinkie finger before handing it off to him. He then realizes it’s twice as heavy as his own. He then asks, “Do you always bring your own cinder blocks to school?” I love this little scene. I love that Edythe questions him instead of just quietly going along with it. I love that she shows off her strength and teaches him a little lesson on why not to underestimate her. I also love that Beau seems to take this all in stride, realizing his mistake, and even making a joke. I doubt he will remember this lesson but I’m glad it’s in here.

Beau and Edythe are talking about how Jeremy said Edythe will get bored with Beau and is only with him out of pity. Beau tells her that he is afraid she will get bored with him, but he didn’t want to say this out loud because he didn’t want to give her any ideas. Then Edythe says, “I never would have realized it myself, but now that you mention it, I really ought to be moving along. That Jeremy suddenly seems alluringly pathetic—”.

Then both of them notice that Royal (the guy version of Rosalie) is staring at them angrily. Beau is worried for Edythe (not himself!), and Edythe says, “I’m not saying that Royal couldn’t take me in a fair fight, but I am saying that I never have fought fair and I don’t intend to start now. He knows better than to try anything with me.” This makes me like Edythe so much more. Here is some personality I can get behind!

Also, I love the fact that so many people criticized Meyer for trying to include bad science with vampires, and Meyer turns around and adds more science to this remake. Yes, yes, I cannot believe it either: there is science in this. 

Beau and Edythe are now fighting on which one of them is more obsessed with the other. Seriously. Edythe says she thinks about him more because she doesn’t have to sleep. Beau says when he sleeps he dreams of her. Edythe then replies, “REM cycles are the shortest of all the sleep stages. I’m still hours ahead [thinking about you].” That’s right. Use science to help your teenage argument about obsession. What would Bill Nye think?

Look at what you've done!

All of which, surprising enough, is NOT IN TWILIGHT. I think Meyer’s reason for writing this is a lie. I don’t think she was trying to prove that even a guy would be a damsel in Bella’s possession. If that were the case, she wouldn’t have added guns and things to ratchet up the tension for Beau. No. I think she wrote this thinking, “Oh, you thought Twilight was too mushy and soppy and unrealistic. I’ll show you worse!!!” as she cackles manically. I mean, they have been on arguably maybe one date, and they are arguing over who thinks about whom more???!!! Isn’t she a hundred and something year old vampire? If she falls for teenage boys this easily, why hasn’t she been on the news yet??!!

Okay. So I haven’t mentioned this to you before because I can plenty of other stuff to talk about. And maybe, just maybe, if I talked about it it would go away. Edythe has dimples. They are the most dimple-y of dimples, of course. They “brandish”; they “punctuate”. And now “She smiled a slow smile. It started small but ended with the full array of dimples — like the grand finale at the end of a fireworks show on the Fourth of July.” Are these magical dimples or what, ya’ll?

Beau points out that Edythe always sounds like she’s about to leave. She says that’s true but not for the reason Beau thinks. Edythe jokes that with Beau’s tendency toward near-death experiences he might actually be safer with her than away from her. Beau then replies, “You’re still going to Seattle with me, right? Lots of vans in Seattle. Waiting in ambush around literally every corner.”

Edythe asks if they could do something else other than going to Seattle. She tells him that she will be staying out of the public eye since it will be sunny that weekend. Beau asks if that means he’ll find out what happens to her in sunlight. She answers, “Yes…But if you don’t want to be…alone with me, I’d still rather you didn’t go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the vans.”

Edythe and Beau then discuss how Edythe and her family feed on bears, mountain lions, deer, etc. Most of this stays the same from Twilight. Beau asks if he could ever see her hunt, and Edythe angrily says no. The chapter ends with them heading to class.